Douglasology

yo ppl just a reminder that this blog has been moved. 

http://jayguarprince.blogspot.com

visit me when u hav nth to do n do leave comments ya.  Enjoy world cup!!!

So long,  Farewell…its time to say goodbyeeeee.  From now on I am not going to update this blog anymore because i’ve shifted to another blog.

Pls visit me at My New Blog .  Just click on the underlined words.  I hope you’ll continue to read my blog and support me over the other side.  Leave comments over there.  And thanx friendster for the blog.

Tata.

I updated my blog twice in one day today.  After my first blog,  I took a small nap,  well tried to actually.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was having some thoughts again.  I can’t be so straight forward so I’ll just twist a lil,  i’ll just hide the names of the person i’m talking about. 

I had a chat wif a fren over MSN on Tuesday.  I told her about what i am in the past, present and future.  Well,  not exactly past but from the day i broke up wif my ex till wat i see in my future.  Well,  I told her I used to be childish and kept on lying to myself about the real situation.  I always think of a revenge on what she’ve done to me but on the other hand still put on a hope that one day we might get back.  In the present,  I finally able to let go and now me and my ex were like good friends and we chat about anything at all,  just like how we used to be before we got together.  In the future,  I think and hope our relationship will remain like this because She has been someone special to me b4 n will always be,  in a different way.  I don’t wanna lose any of my friends that i have now.

Ok everything i said looks so perfect but why confused??  Sometimes knowing what to do doesn’t mean thats the thing you want to do.  I told her I luv her as my fren.  Is that what i really think??  is that what i really want??  Well,  I am 21 now.  I guess what i want or what i feel now doesn’t matter.  What matter is what is the right thing i should do.  But then again,  do u consider that to be a mature thing to do,  coz right or wrong defined by who??  Who sets the parameter of right, or wrong???  Another of my friend told me,  nobody can help you to decide whether its right or wrong,  the only thing u hav to consider is whether u’ll regret after you do it or not.  But if u do not make a choice first how would you knoe u will or will not regret??  Everything comes back to square 1.  Anyway I knoe lots of ppl who read this blog might be wondering wat da hell is dis fella tryin to say?  Is he still stuck wif his ex??  Well,  I’ll make a clear statement bout these question.  No I’m not stuck wif her anymore,  n i really enjoy the friendship we hav, and yes i still do hav feelings but i nvr put any hope on it anymore.  Hey,  loving someone is not easy, but forgetting someone u loved b4 is the hardest thing to do.  I’m tired of lovin her, n then hating her, havin cold war but in the end i’m actually havin war wif myself.  So why not just live life simple,  be friends??

Maybe i shouldn’t put confused as the tile of this blog.  Or maybe i am confused,  but since i’m determined to walk this path,  i should not turn back and regret.  I’ve read lots of dilemma articles about relationship these days and alot of blogs.  I’ve commented on most of them.  I wonder why,  am i such a good advicer but yet i can’t solve my own problems??  Anyway what is my problem actually??  I don’t even know what is the main problem i’m having.  I could go on asking question and question and in the end i’m not even answering any of those.  Just wanna express out how i feel,  shall end now. 

It was farkin cold this mornin but suddenly its sunny n nice weather in da afternoon.  I had a list of stuff i wanna do today but in da end only managed to complete one.  I had lunch wif Mike n Izzo in da skul cafe n after that we went for a round of pool.  From yesterday 7pm till now I’ve played a total of 5 hours of pool.  I went to a place in the next town to hav new experience.  They hav a place where ppl hang out, its a bowling-cum-cafe-cum-Pool place.  They hav more than 10 professional tables around there.  Fak,  its even better than Asia Cafe or Club 7, n lotzzzzzz of hot chics over there.  Some asian chics there 2 but they’re all pool pros so i did not dare to play wif them….can’t lose to a gal.  I played wif Teguh, dis indon guy n he trashed me 9racks to 6 ina 9-ball game.  First 5 round ended prematurely,  wif a combo of somehtin wif a 9 ball.  It was speed fast in the first 5 rounds.  Both of us were testing each other’s breaking skill, n one mistake ur out.  I nvr had such nice pool game for long long time,  was farkin fun.

I was suppose to get my ear piercing today but my fren wasn’t free to bring me to da place he recommend.  Well that place is a jewelry shop n they offer piercing service.  Its a chain store n it is highly recommended bcoz they do things really hygenically n clean.  Thats important for piercing.  I guess i shall do it next week.  Was suppose to hav some bball game but damn no kaki.  Most of da kaki bball ar bz wif their own stuff.  Wanted to play alone but hell no.  Called my fren to play a round of "indoor football".  Haha not futsal but pro evolution soccer.  He had somethin last min so hav to cancel.  So here i am, updating my blog.

Haha,  I made another crappy fotoshop thingy.  Lets check it out.

Haha again my white blazer.  I luv it too damn much di.  Its da best investment in fashion i ever did.  No regrets.  Wait till i get my hair done n my piercing.  My confidence level will sure boost up.

Haha,  call me a poser, an idiot..watever u think off.  I dun mind.  Haha,  wait till i go back msia n wear it out on da streets..wuahahahaha.  Anywayz i’ve finally start studying..hooray but as usual i can’t sit down n study for hours.  Hav to study a while,  play da internet a while then resume.  Haha,  well at least i start studyin.  Good sign.  Oh my fren told me there’s a jap salon here,  quite good.  but farkin expensive…still i think i might go once b4 i go home.  Muahahhaa…

Yeahhhhh,  I finally receive my White blazer,  the one i mentioned in my last blog.  Haha I did lots of posing today and i took some pics.  But only one pic i’m satisfied.  I haven’t got my hair cut and my piercing so this pose doesn’t look good at all.  Besides this is the peak of my pimples season,  suddenly in this week my pimples pop up so much. Fak.  Anywayz i still upload the pic.

Haha farkin tryin to look cool,  but shit hell no.  Anywayz,  just wan u guys to hav a look at the white blazer onli.

the coat was delivered to my hse thats y it’s a lil crumble up,  so i guess i’ll need to do some ironing b4 i can wear it down the streets.  But no shit,  I luv this alot n i think its worth the money i spent.  Too bad i hav to fast from now on to cover up da cost. 

Anywayz,  I came back around 3.30pm today from the post office.  I get every cookin stuff ready and sit down in front of my comp.  Well,  i’ve been doin lots of chattin these days n usually it’ll start from 4 till 6pm german time.  But i can’t believe today nobody chat wif me at all,  or lets put it dis way,  no one even on9 in my MSN list.  Shit,  wats wrong wif da world man?  Sighz,  I was so sad i din chat today.  Just dunno y i’m not those kinda guys who’ll chat for hours but recently I did that alot.  Lots of stuff to share i guess.  Then later in the nite,  My 2 bro on9 but hell shit,  one of them hav work 2moro n hav to off9 n the other is bz.  Sighz,  nobody to chat wif today,  empty empty.

Anywayz,  I went thru lots of ppl’s blog n gav comments on each of them.  Haha i’ve too much time n i just dun wanna study.  I came across sheng wa’s blog bout mandarin thingy.  Fak man,  I’m tellin u even in my apartment here,  there’re at least 4 german ppl who’s learnin mandarin n 1 of my german fren already gone to china for her industrial training.  Oh if u dunno the title of this stupid news is…"madarin demand from graduates for a new job is discriminatory." I mean if i’m da boss n i see my company movin towards chinese market,  of course its ok if i demand staff to hav mandarin background rite??  Even in germany,  to work in BurgerKing u need german.  But its a fast food restaurant for god sake, y do u need a language??  This is germany n most ppl speak german so its better to hire some staff who knoes german rite??  Same as this case over here.  Watz up wif demand for mandarin??  If i hav a big company next time of course i’ll sell my products all da way to china.  Imagine just by earning money from chinese market,  its like 1/6 of the world di.  U knoe i do hate to learn mandarin at some point coz its damn hard but i knoe the importance of it, esp i’m originally a chinese.  Fak fak.

Haha,  my last blog was quite misleading.  This so-called target of mine,  wasn’t somethin new.  As i said I hav feelings for her quite long ago but its those on and off thingy.  And i wasn’t even sure if i really like her or was it just bcoz we were close at certain point.  I had lots of frenz askin bout her,  and so I’ll declare it clearly here.  I see no future between us.  I see not sucess rate at all,  so I’m not making a move…yet.  Haha,  sorry to disappoint u my frenz,  i knoe i knoe i’ve not been trying any of these for the past 2 years.  I lost totally all my self-confidence and as u can see in my previous blogs,  I’m swearing myself all da time.  I’m just a Fugly guy.  Hah here i go again.  Sighz,  I wish i was that lucky.

Anywayz,  I had a chat wif one of my fren today.  He was confused.  He don’t even knoe wat he wants right now.  He told me he wanna return back home and earn some money first and then continue to study.  He said that he’s not showing any good result and therefore think its a waste of time.  OMG, its been 3 semester here already,  and you wanna giv up just like that??  Well of course as a friend i won’t give any comments bout it but some advice.  Enjoy a students life first,  After all graduation is just 1 or 1 1/2 years away.  Then you can earn big money.  He was telling me though he pass those exams but he din really learn anythin.  C’mon,  you won’t knoe it until u use this knowledge.  Besides,  I believe that everyone is like that.  They’ll tend to forget watever they learn in Uni,  but when it comes to pratical usage of these knowledge,  they’ll revise for it and everything will come back.  Well, I’ve not worked before in any of these field i’m learning now but i take my dad as example.  He learn alot of Uni Maths b4.  But bcoz he only teach until form 6 so he tend to forget bout it.  So when i asked him question,  he has to refer to the book again but after a while he’s able to solve it.  Another example would be my uncle.  He’s now a holding a high post in Motorola Singapore and he graduate wif a Bachelor of Natural Sc in Physics.  He’s job now is about meeting clients,  solving faults and failure of a projects and more towards marketing.  But as i knoe he learn all these marketing skills during his working days and not in Uni.  So,  here’s some example for u.  When you need somethin in ur life,  you’ll automatically acquire the skills,  so don’t giv urself too much pressure on it.  I know our course is damn farkin hard, esp the language but go on wif it.  Well,  if ur reading dis blog,  i hope u get somethin from it.  Really,  take things easily and of course we hav to plan our future nicely but don’t look too far ahead.  You don’t even know wat u want for 2moro,  so look at the near future first.  Who knoes mabe one day u’ll end up being a famous painter instead of an Engineer??  Relax and its summer for god sake.  Get ur ass out of ur house n do some outdoor stuff!!!! 

Hah,  whole paragraph on advising my fren.  Anywayz,  I’m also quite struggling wif my studies.  But i won’t giv up at this point,  its too late anywayz.  WEll,  lets tok a lil bout myself now.  I would say, life has been treating me kinda well.  I’m glad that my parents ar still doing fine, my bro has finish 1/2 of his never ending medical course, and now back in Malaysia.  I’m glad that my parents are concern bout me though sometimes a lil over protective.  I’m glad that i can still enjoy being a student now and though i hav lots of worries but those are just bout studies and projects, no financial worries yet.  I’m glad that i hav some great true frenz back home waitin for me to come back n rock wif them.  I’m osso glad that I hav almost everythin i want now.  WTF, i knoe its not thanks giving day but i suddenly just felt gladful to all these.  I still remember when i first came to germany, the 5th day itself i went to another town for sight seeing.  My mom was so worried that day coz i din contact her.  I apologize to her and instead of getting angry, she said "Son,  I’m glad to hear that u’re ok.  I giv u a chance to go Germany 2 study not just to be a nerd n get a degree but also want u to enjoy a campus life over there.  See the world n hav fun while u still can, just knoe ur limits and ur purpose of going there"  I felt so touched.  And i really want to say sorry to my mom i’ve wasted more time playing than studying.  I will from now on study hard.  I really miss those days where my mom will sit down beside me and watch me doing my homework.  Sighz,  I guess its time i hav to grow up and stop being a boy boy di.  I hav great results in high skul also bcoz of my mom.  Its like my mom take the exam for me indirectly.  I knoe mother’s day is over but i still wanna say "mama, I luv u".  And daddy’s day is coming.  SIghz i won’te be able to celebrate wif u but i osso wanna say thx dad.  You’ll once my hero and u’ll always be.  I want 2 be like u next time, except that i don’t wanna be a teacher and a sleeping gig like u hehe.  My dad sleeps alot but there’s a reason behind it.  He has to work in da mornin, giv tuition in da evenin, help my mom to do housework, help me in my homework, being a driver taking us around b4 i learn how to drive.  Sighz,  the last time i went back to malaysia i noticed that he and my mom’s white hair getting more and more.  I really want to cry.  I still remember when i was younger i always do sports wif my dad.  I play tennis wif him though i was got trashed by him.  He’s the one who taught me my basics of basketball.  And He guide me to be a champion in primary skul badminton tournament.  He even came to my skul to watch me play and remind me bout my mistakes during that badminton match.  Gosh,  I’m getting emotional now.  Sighz,  I never knoe how to appreciate them until i come to germany.  Dad n Mom,  I’m sorry for being a bad boy. 

I shouldn’t continue,  i think i wrote a long long blog.  Just can’t wait to go home n see my parents.

Each morning I look at myself.  I’m damn Fugly(a word created by chui kean meaning fucking ugly).  I look at those pimples on my face,  its like i’ve been infected by some desease.  I’ve tried using facial mask and some other solutions.  It reduced but did not clear up the pimples.  Sighz,  I’ll never look good like that.  I hate it,  I use to hav a nice face, not handsome but at least no pimples.  If i hav lots of money I’ll go for plastic surgery.

Anywayz,  i can only reduce it but can’t cure it.  Nth can be done now.  I think i wanna change my image a lil.  I’m gonna do piercing on my left ear and might get a lil stripe tattoo on my left arm.  The tattoo thingy most likely not,  but for the piercing,  I think i will do that.  Haha don’t worry i am not gonna pierce all oever my body looking like a punk.  Just my left ear.  And after piercing I don’t plan to wear some funky big diameter ring or a gurlish earring.  I’ll just wear a small diamond bud.  Anywayz its just a planning.  I’ll decide later if i really wanna do it o not.  But if i really do it,  I won’t wait till i go back msia to do.  I’ll just do it here.

I’ve been lookin thru some of my frenz’ frensta.  Most of my frenz now ar in a relationship.  Shit,  don’t knoe y it makes me jelez.  Suddenly i osso feel like havin a gf,  but i knoe it’ll nvr be easy for me.  Nobody likes me.  I mean b4 they even knoe me they’ll run away coz of my Fugly looks.  Sighz,  I wonder if i would ever get a wife next time.  Shit i bet all these ar just my fairy tale dreams.  Actually after i break up i had a lil feeling on one of my fren but i just dun hav da courage to do anything.  Besides the feeling is like on and off and she hav a bf at that time.  I just heard that she n her bf had broke up.  I suddenly hav this feeling of going after her again but few factors hold me back.  The most influential factor is that we’re in distance apart.  I don’t think she would wanna hav a long distance relationship and though i’m goin back to msia for a short period but that won’t last long.  2nd factor is i ain’t sure if she hav feelings for me or not.  I think she probably treat me as a good jimui onli.  Sighz she doesn’t knoe that i 暗恋 her.  Anywayz i’m not putting high hopes on her though i already hav feelings for her long time ago.  I guess maybe its good if we maintain our good frenz status.  I’m actually quite satisfied that we can still chat n flirt around.  I don’t wanna do stupid things that might lead to a bad conclusion.

I’m feeling really empty.  I just read thru one of those forums where me and my ex classmates gossip around.  Most of them having holidays now and They’re planning a trip to Genting sometime around.  Besides they’re also going to Redbox.  Shit,  See all da fun i’m gonna miss.  I hav a fren who alwayz complain bout how her life sux and how her fren ar so fake.  She alwayz complain to me that on the surface her frenz always ask her to hang out somewhere but the real story is that they aren’t even close at all.  Well,  for me i don’t think so.  A fren who will ask u to hang out ar frenz that really care for u,  wanna spend time wif u.  Sighz i guess i’m the one who should complain.  I wanna complain why I hav to be in Germany while my other frenz ar in Msia or at least Singapore.  Even my frenz in UK ar enjoying alot.  they hav a gang n always hang out during free time.  For me,  I guess i really miss my frenz back in Msia.  Yes i know that not many ppl hav da oppotunity to go overseas to further their studies.  But but,  Ok I’m satisfied wif this point,  just that i really thing i made a big sacrifice.  I sacrifice those times that i can spend wif my frenz, doin what we do best.  Sighz.  N though i go back every once a year,  still my hols ar always in a wrong timing.  When i’m back i onli hav 1 or max 2 weeks to spend wif my frenz b4 they start skul.  Shit!!!!  Even my parents ar goin to Shanghai this time.  SIghz,  It really spoil my mood n i really dun hav to mood to study di.

I knoe I knoe,  no matter how much i complain I still hav to face the fact.  I also knoe its childish to think this way,  but well i can’t help it.  I knoe this feeling is just temporary but i just wanna spit it out.  I’m listening to david tao’s 寂寞的季节 again.  This song really sing my heart out.  But of course this season of loneliness is just temporary.  I hav great frenz.  I knoe eventhough i couldn’t spend time wif them now but I knoe they ar true to me n not just those "hi-bye" frenz.  I just had a new testi from sheng wa,  so great coz he really wan me to return soon n so we can hang out.  I kinda remember there was a time,  where he mix around wif those gangsta and we misunderstood him for leaving us behing,  but deep down in him,  i know he’s one of those true frenz that i really appreciate.  Haha thx sheng wa esp for all da recipies you’ve gave me.  haha when i come back msia u teach me more ok??…hehe.

I’m still feeling a lil sick,  but i’m getting better.  Made lots of "wantan" today.  Disgusting!!!  2moro will be monday n though skul means nth much to me,  at least i’m able to meet up my fren Michael for lunch.  He has a lab from 12-2pm and hopefully after that we can have some pool time.  Haha its been 1 week since we played pool, derr its not long but dunno y i kinda addicted to it.  Haha if someone who’s kind enuf to giv me a bday present,  i wish for a pool table right inside my room.  Speaking bout bday present,  I hav lots of present to get actually.  The time when i go home,  I hav my bro Sheng Wa’s bday to celebrate.  Also my dad’s bday is on the 14th and i really wan to do somethin special for him.  too bad my house dun hav an oven,  otherwise i would consider baking cheese cake for my daddy.  Besides I hav a present to get for one of my fren who’s celebrating bday in November.  Yes though i’m already back here in Germany by that time but i promise her to get a present.  I actually do get her presents every year but for some personal reasons i kept it to myself.  I thought i was good in getting presents for gal,  but i guess i give up this time.  I hav totally no idea wat to get for her esp during her 21st.  Besides her i need to get present for one of my god-sis.  She really mean alot to me,  n though her bday will not be anywhere near the time i’m back,  but i really want to give her sumthin.  I got her a perfume last year,  her favourite one,  but i guess its an old-fashion idea.  Any ideas anyone??  Pls giv me advice esp on gifts for gals.  Erm most of my frenz havin 21st bday so i want to get somethin special for them.  So pls pls, i need ideas!!!!

Yesterday i had a fever.  Damn,  I turn off all the vantilator and window but still shivering like shit.  I took 2 panadol and try to get some sleep.  Yeah,  when i woke up i finally felt better.  But i hate it,  my friends were all playing football yesterday and i couldn’t join them.  Well,  lets hope everything goes well next week.  I checked the weather forecast,  it’ll be really good weather from next thursday.  Yae can do sports di!!!!!  Pray hard that i recover by then.

Yesterday i tok to my dad over skype.  He told me that one of my mom’s friend,  which is my ex boss coming to watch England vs Paraguay world cup match.  My dad say she might hav 1 extra tics so pray hard again.  SHit,  can’t imagine if i can watch that match.  My dad told me the tics she got worth 600euro.  Holy shit,  really really hope that she can giv me 1 tic.  Anywayz,  I guess its ok if i don’t get it.  Well,  to be honest,  to watch a match in a stadium is not as good as on TV, unless you get a good seat.  Coz you’ll only be able to watch one team attacking thats all.  The reason why i wanna go world cup is coz i wanna join the crowd to experience the atmosphere,  probably even taking pics wif da hooligans.  Muahahaah.  Nah,  I’ll probably just head to one of those world cup stadium to check out the atmosphere if i couldn’t get any tics.

Well, June is coming closer.  Soon it’ll be exam day.  Shit,  i hate to remind myself bout that.  But the good thing is,  if exam day is drawing closer,  it means the day i go home is also drawing closer.  Damn,  just can’t wait.  Though as i mentioned b4 i’m not as excited,  but its worth some thing to look forward to.  I miss my frenz n family.  I miss the food back home!!!  I really think Malaysia is a nice place.  Probably coz i was born there.  Lets hope that i will enjoy then.

That title referring to me.  Haha nono i’m not a Sick bastard.  Just that I’m sick today. Damn soar throat.  Its like fire burning over my throat.  Damn,  feeling a lil headache n fever di.  bet 2moro i’ll be dead.  Cis, nobody to masak bubur for me.  Sighz,  Miss it alot.  Miss my mom’s bubur,  n of course my ex-gf bubur.  Haha now hav to masak myself.  Eh,  my bubur not bad wan ok?!!!  Anywayz i’m feeling slightly better now.  Sick still play ping pong wif Michael.  haha anywayz i can nvr say no to sports.

Oh btw,  the white blazer i tok bout in my previous blog,  I’ve ordered it adi.  Well,  I have 14 days to return it if i dun like it.  So i can try it on and take some pics first,  n if i hate it i can just return it..hehe.  I’ll post some of the pics over here when i got it.  I’m 50% done wif the song i’m trying to learn.  I ain’t a good singer so i can’t hit the high notes.  But 勉强勉强 still can la.  Haha,  just hope that when i perform in front of gals i can get those pitch.

Sighz,  I’m feeling a lil moody today.  I turn on MSN today n i see those ppl’s nickname.  Most of my UK frenz n US frenz ar heading back to Msia soon.  Even those Aussiez ar goin back,  wtf??!!!  They even go back during winter break.  Sheizer!!!  Why german system the hols ar all in late August??  N its so damn farkin short.  Onli 2 months!!!!  I wish i could hav my hols now.  Most of my frenz in Msia ar havin hols now.  Shit, even my 2 best frenz ar having hols.  眼红 liao.  When i go back everyone start skul liao.  man life really sux!!!

Today is my bro’s Sein Hon’s 21st bday.  Sighz i can’t celebrate wif him.  Another one week will be my other bro’s 21st bday.  Everyone is turning 21st.  Haha its kinda weird coz when i ask my frenz over here bout 21st bday,  most of them told me its nth special.  Ppl from msia take it seriously rite??  Or its just me??  But anywayz my bday has nvr be a good one since form 3.  Aiya hav to tok bout my sad stuff again..haha. 

Okla,  that’s wat blogs ar for rite??  To express my feelings.  Well,  I kinda hate bdays actually coz each time i had high expectation but it turn out to be zero.  Form 4 was slightly better one.  Aiya its da past di dun wan tok bout it liao.  Anywayz,  this year wasn’t any special for me either.  The onli thing i enjoy my dis year’s bday is that I had my trip to UK just b4 my bday.  It was really fun.  Gosh i luv UK alot.